What's Your Medical Emergency?

At best, it makes me sad. At worst, it promotes teeth-gnashing, violent nausea, and compels feelings of homicidal rage. What it it? The fact that 85% of my day is spent checking in non-emergent complaints. As depressing as it is, if you're a medicaid patient, I can almost guarantee that you have not come to the emergency room for an actual emergency. Why? Because your healthcare is FREE.

How wonderful that must be.

No copays for emergency care, no fees for ambulance rides, and you don't have to pay a dime for your prescriptions. Damn. What's the catch? Oh right, there IS no catch. Thanks EMTALA.

'So, what's the big deal? What do you overpaid medical jerks care if I check in myself and my five screaming, playful children into a trauma center for a cough or a runny nose?'

Glad you asked. The answers are as follows:

1) YOU'RE WASTING MY F@$KING money! I am a tax payer, and I think it would be awfully swell if my tax dollars went toward paying our teachers, cleaning up our heroin parks, or even compensating medicaid hospitals and providers adequately.

'But I can't find a medicaid doctor who will see me!

Really? You mean people as intelligent, hard-working, and indebted (to medical school) as doctors are don't want pennies on the dollar for seeing you and your entire family? Cause as it turns out, Medicaid doesn't exactly pay docs/hospitals/ERs as much as REAL insurance companies do. And using the ER for every sniffle, every rash, EVERY TIME is only exacerbating the problem. ER care costs six times what clinic/physician office care does. Beginning to understand why your "insurance" can't pay docs/hospitals/ERs properly? Can you say vicious cycle? I can. I chant it in my sleep.

2) You're making the REAL emergency patients wait unnecessarily. And if that's not enough (and it is), I am then forced to watch said real patients as they uncomfortably shift in their seats, desperate to ignore your obvious lack of illness and your gum snapping, texting, etc. It's embarrassing and if I'm being very frank, kind of immoral.

3) You're putting my hospital in "the red". Because your "insurance" reimburses so poorly, our billing department has to adjust it's fees to make up for you. How? They overbill the uninsured. So some twenty year old who has no medicaid and breaks his arm now gets to pay 4 times what he should. Doesn't sound very fair.

4)You're exasperating the medical professionals serving your community. Foot blisters after walking? A rash for a year? Menstrual cramps?! One can only maintain their morale for so long, ya know? ER team members should be like pit crews. We should experience adrenaline rushes by the mere suggestion of an emergency and the possible opportunity to save a life. ER patients should be swarmed upon entry by excited, motivated, idealistic staff members. Instead, what you will probably see is a dozen or so overworked, unimpressed, zombie-like robots with flat affects and shitty dispositions. Again, thanks EMTALA.

5) You're teaching your children to be entitled, lazy, slothful individuals with zero critical thinking skills and generalized apathy. What do you think breeding a dependent generation of troglodytes will do to this nation?